Today, I want to tell myself that you should be loved because...
You are a strong and resilient person. Don't laugh, you know you are. Yes you have fallen to pieces in front of people. You have been a snivelling idiot in front of J. You have sobbed your ass off many many times. But it's okay cos you are human. You were vulnerable and upset.
Remember all the times you were down but you came up again. When you were yelled at by Oat cos he was so disappointed in the team and you were responsible as the Captain. When you couldn't master the gawddam liberty. When Mark knew you liked him but asked you to help him woo LX (gahh). When Zee gave you some weak excuse not to be together with you but got together with Tiff few months later. When you lost your precious 2nd Upper in the last freaking semester of uni. When you had to work 15h a day in P&O, when you screwed up your first event.
You survived it all and came out stronger. Do you remember that? You didn't just master the liberty, you could do single lib on partner stunts, you could do heelstretch, scorpion, you went on to compete in the Nationals for 3 years, you even became the dam CAPTAIN of the team. You brought your team to National 3rd at the competition. You got over Zee and had a good relationship with Paul. You got over Mark and had a good relationship with Leo. You did an extra semester and got back the 2nd Upper you need for your career, not only that, you got a whopping A (or A+?) and you earned praises from the esteemed Dr Lim for your work. You got a PG of B at P&O despite having to compete against all those brilliant scholars. You earned praises from your P&O bosses who hold such high standards.
You have done it before sweetheart. You are a fighter. Nope nope, you are a freaking DRAGON. Hahaha remember that? You are a fearsome dragon whom nobody can hold down forever (rawrs). They can maybe kind of press your head down a little, then scratch their arms and get abrasions from your scales and you will knock them away and rise up and dance over their fat bodies.
Sometimes you need to be easier on yourself. You worked extra hard after ACCOP because you felt like you had to make up for your incompetency then. You drove yourself like a dictator on drugs. You blamed yourself a million times over what happened to you and J (don't even talk about what happened with Leo). WHY? Did you try your best? Yes you did, you really did. So let it be. Take a break, lie down in the meadows.
This is a hard period okay, no one is denying that. But dragons get through every single shit. Ride it through babe. Search for the way out. Recognise what you need. Don't fear being alone, because you don't need anyone when you have inner strength. Which you already do. When you love yourself, you can then be capable of loving others in a more healthy way. Now you are just trying to suck J into your soul and let her be your emotional crutches. Don't do that. You should do it yourself. And you can.
|Chose this one because the dragon looks like it's roaring in laughter at some hilarious shit joke, which is kinda like me lol|